so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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