When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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