She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Can I color on your dick again?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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