i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
