we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
