I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
