Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
