her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
