I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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