I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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