I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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