he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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