I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
