girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
