At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
