I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
