This girl is more easily done than said...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
