i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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