I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
FUCK WHALES
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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