Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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