Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
