two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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