Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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