I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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