The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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