The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
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