The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
