Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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