you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
