she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
