dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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