I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
