dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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