just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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