6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
