Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
