dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
