I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
