I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It was a blind-side dick pic.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
