did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
