i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
