I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
