So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
