Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
