$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
