Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
