My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
