ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize