a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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