why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
