I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
