I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
