My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
In America we eat man semen.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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