brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
