I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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