And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
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My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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