Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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