just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
