one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
