turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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