The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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