I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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