Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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