my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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